So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
