He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
