she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
