I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
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You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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