6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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