I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
then he tried to convert me to islam
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
