you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
