If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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