Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
