I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
