Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
