For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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