there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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