i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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