I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
