I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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