I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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