No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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