walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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