there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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