Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
