i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
