when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
