Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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