i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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