hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She even gives head with a lisp.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
