there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
