why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
