I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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