I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
