We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
