This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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