I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
