one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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