i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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