He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
