U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
