Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
