:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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