there was a trapeze. enough said
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
