Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
