He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
