in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
