One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.