He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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