The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Pooping to opera.
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