i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's blow job season.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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