i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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