I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
