i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
