absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
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I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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