Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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