all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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