Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
