My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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