We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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