I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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