Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
