Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
