Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
